This women on my mothers site asked if she should apologize to the ex-wife of her fiance for being a “homewrecker,” three years later. My initial thought was, why would you do that? It got me thinking about a very dark time in my relationship with my husband; back when we were still only boyfriend and girlfriend. I wont break down our ENTIRE history, but anyone that knows my husband and I, know that we have a VERY LONG, complicated history. It wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Not that it is all rainbows and butterflies now, but at least our newest debates are not over adultery, but rather over how to discipline our children, and family issues.
There was once a time in our relationship when things were not great, not at all, in fact, they were really bad. Without diving too much into the past, because honestly, we’ve learned from it and moved on, I will just say we had issues with adultery. A women, thought she could come in on the sly, she managed to get in, but only briefly.
So my response to this person was:
If the “other” woman that attempted to take my hubby from me and pretended to trap him in a fake pregnancy, then a pregnancy that wasn’t his, turned out to be her future husbands, tried to apologize to me, I’d listen to what she had to say, but I wouldn’t believe a single word or buy into anything she had to say.
I have forgiven and moved on a long time ago, but I won’t forget, nor will I allow her in our lives ever again, in any fashion.
No, for me to truly accept any form of an apology from her, for all the pain, drama, set backs, betrayal, she’d have to back it up the same way I told him he needed to, in order to have me accept it. She’d have to come clean to every person she ever lied to about the entire situation personally and publicly/socially. She’d have to tell me exactly what she is apologizing for, apologize to my family, apologize to my in laws, and apologize to mutual friends.
Seeing that she’ll never do that, I’ve washed my hands of it and I could honestly care less about it anymore because I have far greater things that consume my time. Like being a wife, mother, student, photographer, and church leader.
The end result is, I got the ring by choice/love, I have his last name and his children. His parents, my in laws adore me, especially since he told them the truth on everything. I share a big, cozy, lovely home with him with plenty of extras. I lay in a nice warm, loving, love making bed with him. He has eyes for only me. In the end, I won, despite her drama and lies. In the end he’s encouraged me to go after my dreams and back to college, and I’ve encouraged him to do the same. So her little apology, would hold no barring, not even the gesture of one would. If she truly wants to make amends, she’d have to go big or go home.
However, I highly doubt anyone would believe a word she has to say now. Especially since my hubby did come clean to everyone and earned all of our trust back.
So, OP, if I were you, I would let it go, because realistically, unless your willing to go big, don’t even offer anything, it’s pointless. A few meaningless words aren’t going to work. If you’re truly sorry, then truly make it to where your actions back your words.
I have long since forgiven my husband, and moved on. We have worked through the issues, and we are stronger today for what we have been through. It doesn’t make it easier, it just means, we’ve learned to accept what has happened and moved towards filling the voids that left us in that situation to begin with. My thoughts are that you can always come back from Adultery if BOTH are willing to commit and put the time into it, however, sometimes it’s not always as easy as people make it out to be. It has taken us YEARS to get from that point to where we are now. It didn’t just happen over night.