I’m offically the worlds WORST mom. =/

I feel like having a crying tantrum with my 3.5 year old as well. =/

My mom passed away July 7th, 2012. Last Christmas was our first Christmas without her. This is our second Christmas without her, and it’s not any easier, on me. I didn’t know it was affecting my son.

He knew nana, went to live in Heaven with God and the Angels. That she couldn’t visit us last Christmas. (That’s the only way we could explain to him last Christmas why she wasn’t there, and why only papa Mike and Aunt Star had come.) He seemed fine with it, and it seemed as if he forgotten everything when papa Mike showed up with the Christmas gifts on Christmas eve.

Well, today as I’m getting him ready to lay down for a nap, he asked if he and brother could have a cookie. I told him that when he wakes up from his nap then he can have one. I made a HUGE mistake, and asked him if he was excited to have papa Mike and Aunt Star come over to start Christmas with us tomorrow. He got really excited and said yes he was, and said that he couldn’t wait to see papa Mike, Aunt Star and nana D. =/

I tried really hard to choke back my tears, and told him that he needed to remember that Nana D isn’t able to come here for Christmas, that she’s up in Heaven with the Angels, great paw paw and Aunt Dawn. But, she would be watching us from heaven and sending us her love.

OH, was that a MISTAKE! He started crying, like I ripped the head off of his fave snuggle toy, and yelling at me that I was lying to him. He wouldn’t calm down for anything. Finally I was able to rock him and get him to calm down and he fell asleep in my lap.

I can’t stop crying. I’ve done all of the Christmas traditions my mom had always done, I’ve done all of the Christmas crafts I could find, and been so busy preparing for Christmas, this has been my way of sort of dealing with not having my mom here, that I didn’t even seem to notice that my baby was hurting! It didn’t seem like an issue last Christmas!!!

I guess I should have seen this coming, we have been talking about all the Christmas things we were doing and how nana would do them with me, and he sees all of her pictures on the walls. He even got the honor of putting her memorial picture Christmas ornament on the tree this year. I thought that if I talked about her, and what we used to do when she was here, that it would be a great way to keep her memory alive for my boys. It so backfired on me, and now I feel like the worlds WORST mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know how to fix this!!!! I’m terrified of when he wakes up, and what to say, or if I should even say anything at all! Worst I’m terrified now of how he’s going to react when papa Mike and Aunt Star get here tomorrow. =/

How can I comfort him? How can I explain to my little man that nana D just can’t be here with us. My heart is breaking so bad, and all I want to do is crawl up in a little ball, and cry with him. I may have ruined Christmas for my son. =/

Things at Christmas that just Tar my Feathers!

A friend sent me a message this morning regarding an article from Fox News insider with Megyn; you can see the article here: Megyn Takes on Secularist for Forcing Schools to Cancel Christmas Toy Drive.

There’s this group called the American Humanist Association (AHA), headed by the director Roy Speckhardt, who believes that Christmas Box Toy donations at School’s, that are backed and sponsored by religious groups, “proselytize” children. (Proselytize: convert or attempt to convert (someone) from one religion, belief, or opinion to another.) He further goes on to say that “These gifts are gifts with strings attached” because Christian organizations placed religious letters/pamphlets into these gift boxes. He namely attacks Samaritans Purse, that sponsor and distribute the Operation Christmas Child Box project. He recommends that the schools use organizations such as the Marines Toys for Tots; which I guess he isn’t aware is also backed and sponsored by The Salvation Army, which is also a religious association.

I’m seriously APPALLED at this! You don’t have to be “religious”, or Christian, to understand that for some, Christmas, and Christmas time is about the Spirit of Christmas, of all things that are good. About Love, giving, thankfulness, etc. Where is their heart?

As far back as I can remember, our school had ALWAYS had a toy drive! We ALWAYS gave what we could, and support people! Shame on you American Humanist Association for, forgetting what Christmas is about! Those toys, and gifts for these children, signify that they are not forgotten, that someone, somewhere loves them. Children NEED that! Shame on you for making this a “religious” thing, when it’s far more than that! I am truly disgusted!

This is what is happening to humanity now, cold heart, greedy Grinch’s, who rob people of peace, love, joy, and happiness. Maybe they need a visit from the three Ghosts of Christmas to get a reminder!

America has forgotten what we were founded on, who founded us, why we left England. Although many will beg to differ, you can’t deny undisputed facts! “In God we Trust”, “One Nation Under God…” I think some Atheist have taken it too far. Unfortunately, some on all sides take it too far. We simply live in a time, where nearly everyone feels the need to be right, and that they are solely right, and anyone else who differs in belief and or opinion is simply wrong and beneath them. Sad times we live in. This is why people don’t know their neighbors, and why no one helps people anymore. I am truly thankful we found a neighborhood, that we know and love our neighbors already! Yeah, okay, so it’s a little stepfordish, but it reminds me of the “good ole’ days” growing up. Where I don’t have to be afraid to let my children out of my house, and I can trust my neighbors. I can hang a friggen Christmas Wreath on my front door and not bolt it into the door, for fear someone will steal it!

This isn’t about me though, it’s about this association, that wants to rob innocent children of one day, one day that tells them, they are loved, they are not forgotten, that they mean something. He wants to rob communities from helping those who are less fortunate. He’s not hurting himself, or standing up for “what’s right” or “separation of church and state”, he’s being a dang Grinch, and he ought to be ashamed of himself!

How is the Christmas donations ANY different than politicians on Capital Hill who have secret agendas? Who make tea party pacts, and sneaky deals and offers under the table. “Hey Joe from California, if you vote my way on this, which you don’t really have a huge opinion on, I will vote your way on that, which I don’t really have a huge opinion on. What do you say? Is it a deal?” If you honestly don’t think this, doesn’t happen, then you don’t know a politician, or you never paid attention to History.

A pamphlet with information about who God and Jesus is, in a box, that is sent to a child somewhere for Christmas, isn’t even nearly the same. It’s a piece of paper, that a child may not even likely read, or even look at! It’s not making a secret pact, it’s not forcing it down their throats, it’s no more than a piece of paper with Christian Facts on it. They can chose to read it or not. At some point we all chose to believe or not. How is that ANY different? It’s not. It’s certainly NOT like it’s sitting at the schools either! The schools simply have donation boxes. That’s it. The church does the rest. I certainly do not see any “proselytizing” going on Mr. Speckhardt! Your facts are vastly skewed, and you are simply the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. For YOUNG children, especially ones that know NOTHING or very little of God, and Jesus, Christmas is about Jolly Old St. Nick, Santa, in his Big red suit, belly of jelly, 8 tiny reindeer, a sleigh, and a magic sack of gifts. Shame on you from taking that from them, because of a piece of paper, they might not even look at twice!

Christmas is ABOUT giving! It’s about helping those less fortunate, as adults, it’s about the joy, laughter, and happiness on Christmas morning when the kids faces light up this world! It’s ONE day we can all come together and be truly gleeful! Why would you take that away? Just because some religious group backed up with funding, means, and the heart to distribute these items? I certainly don’t see NON Christian or even Atheist groups creating organizations to do this. You’ll be hard pressed to find any other group that is not Christian affiliated doing anything of the sort.  I don’t see you and all of your wealth offering to do it either! I certainly hope you never fall victim to hard times, but if you do, and you find yourself standing in line to sign your children up for the Angel Tree, (again backed up by the Salvation Army, a religious group), I would hope you think back to this “victory” of yours, and remember how you potentially destroyed Christmas for so many innocent children, who just want to feel loved, and not forgotten for ONE DAY! If this were oz, you’d be the cowardly lion asking for a heart. All your little shenanigans is doing, is making more Christians LIKE MYSELF, make a bigger stink, and a bigger stand and going even MORE out of our way to prove that you are absolutely, inconsequentially wrong!

The Christmas Spirit will prevail, with your without your Blessing Mr. Speckhardt, and it will be a blessed one, and we will find other ways, despite your soul-less heart. Remember. Take a lesson, and take note Mr. Speckhardt, you may have won a very small battle, but you have now started a war, that you will not win.